Thursday, August 28, 2008

And all the shit that went along with it

My friend got hit by a car when she was riding her vespa to work.
The previous day, she had been telling me about an intersection that she had to go through at which people never stopped at the stop signs and so she, who would have the right of way, would beep her little horn as she entered it from her vantage which was the right of way.
This is a woman who lost her sister last year and her mom the year before she's had it hard and she still manages to keep it in some sort of perspective.
When I called her this morning, to ask if she wanted me to come and visit, she did, but she added that she also wanted her Mother. Me and my cart stopped there in the grocery store and I leaned into it and cried with her on the phone, knowing exactly what that meant. It's the idea of Mom, or home, and whether that sucked or not, it's what we all want at some point or place no matter what.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

everything inside and out

If I'm going to be walking around feeling like I've forgotten to do something, for the rest of my life, fuck it. I'd rather get a lobotomy now.
It's a harsh experience to just have this nagging notion. I polled my people at work, the ones that have all sorts of shit to keep track of, like kids, work, the usual trappings of adult life, and they all say there are days that they go back and check the things they already had, and I am not happy knowing it's going to get worse, or at the least I'll have to develop strategies for remembering. And, that will not include any new tattoos.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Love to town

I was reading clepunk yesterday and went back a few weeks on the bathroom wall to find a discussion of shows that were certainly memorable and for various reasons. One that lives in infamy, for me at least, was the Gun Club at David Goode's.
We were standing up near the right side of the stage; it was my boyfriend, and myself and my friend Glen. One of us noticed a case of Michelob Dark, or as I like to call it; beer with brown food dye. Anyway, realizing it was obviously there for us, we began to drink it. I don't remember if I actually had more than one, but a dent was made. During the show, Glen said to us, "this here is ugly music and I like pretty music". And history was made in that moment, in that ugly music was basically what I played on my show so why not give it the name it deserved; Spunky and Peeper's Ugly music was born. After Paul and I broke up, it was just Ugly Music but without Glen's astute evaluation of what we were listening to, I don't know if it could have ever been that succinct otherwise.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I play my part

Trying to impart wisdom without looking like a geek; a rough road if you don't want to cry, and then in the midst of that attempting to figure out if the tears are hormonal or just really about the subject.

In this case, Stephanie Tubbs Jones; she died of an aneurysm yesterday. I don't know anything about her personal life, except that she liked to cook.

What I do know is that she represented a group, not a specific one, but the idea of a community advocate who is both a person of color and a female making it to Washington, going against the system and the tide, is what she represents for me, and countless others.

So, I schooled jack this morning, he in his new emo lite clothes and his nervous back to school energy. I let him know that something had transpired and he and I needed to take notice, and acknowledge the moment.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Have I got a little story for you

Reflecting on the anniversary of my pretty severe illness of two years ago, I've been thinking about what a profound effect the event had on my life, and all of the changes that have taken place since.

Obviously there are the physical changes; I chose to become physically stronger and betterer, and then the ones that are not so apparent; I am happy and relieved to wake up every morning. Really; it was that bad.

I'm able to put some things in perspective that I couldn't before, such as not achieving all of the things I'd planned, but at least pushing some limits I'd set for some arbitrary and random reason. And last, though I'm still huge spaz as this story illustrates; a nice looking fellow who frequents my library, said goodbye to me the other night, and I looked up and said, "good", and then looked back down; so that hasn't changed, but my appreciation for the fact that I will always be a strange combination of talkative and pathologically shy is renewed and applied on a daily basis.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Claim the same

I could never be your woman didn't play in theaters and that's because it challenges much of the perception of women and men, but even then, does it lite. It's also pre-cougar labeling as a popular term for we ladies of the middle who are doing what men have done forever, though have yet to receive a moniker for their predilection for younger mates.

My friend from work was at the mall yesterday and she saw my son at his job and mentioned that twice while she was standing in line, two women, around her age (55) stood their flirting with Jake. I had told her and others how for me this was a study in the bizarre in that all I see is my dorky son in a pull-up ; yet from another vantage point he's a foxy dude.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

No one could save me

Gus has been asked to be in honors calculus; skipping over the honors pre-calculus all together. He is seeking advice as to whether he should make a change in his schedule that will take him out of a class that he really likes.
Let me dismantle this; CALCULUS? It's a complete unknown to me, and I know I'm sounding stereotypical all old math is the only thing I know. But, I don't even have a comfort level with that, so I'm guessing it's not a good idea to seek advice from the likes of me, and Eamon just tells him not to do it because he's Eamon and the easy route is always the best choice for him, unless it's making a movie with a WWII 35 mm camera ; ala gorilla film making 101.
Also, I got 10 texts from Jake, apparently the fixins for Gingerbread lattes have been shipped out to all of the Starbucks, and he wanted me to know the inside scoop. Progress much!

Monday, August 11, 2008

The world was on fire

Perhaps all of that meaning of life stuff, all that finding a purpose of existence is really about just learning or garnering a way to live with yourself, and in doing so, not making it miserable for you or the people around you.

I've rarely sought the true nature of why and wherefore. There was the occasional drunken or stoned incoherent seemingly, at the time transcendental search, but otherwise, I'm okay with just hating most everything and usually everybody, and figuring it would sort itself out.

Well it hasn't and I'm bored with my self loathing hyper-critical evaluatory and lost nature.. I'm ready for peace and prosperity all rolled into a neater, less wrinkled package.

I talked a lot about my Mom with two friends when I was at Chautauqua. I'm often at a loss and blame her for many of my issues, but until her last visit one of them was not having an attention deficit, but now I've added that to the litany of complaints and so now I'll wait and see where it gets me.

Friday, August 08, 2008

All wrapped up

Fleet Foxes have out My Morning Jacketed My Morning Jacket. As Evil Urges is an interesting stretch for Jim James and the fellas, it doesn't quite hit that other worldly, outside of the realm of ordinary note, but the self titled FF album fills the void.
At first, I'm always surprised by the similar sounding nature of a scene, like; can't they come up with something different. But when I actually like something a lot, I don't tend to be quite so judgmental.
Any way you slice it, it's good music to rock me gently to sleep, until I realize somehow the clock radio got set on repeat and I end up sleep/awake dreaming of ethereal places like a marsh with diorama animals and fish that are frozen in place for me to trip over, literally.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Between the moon

I'm going away for a few days, Chautauqua beckons and so I 'll travel through a few states for some fun and freshwater clams; yum.
When I return I will regale you faithful readers with mind tingling stories of my trip.
Until then.

Monday, August 04, 2008

This is the dawning

Eamon's Aunt is here from down under, outside of Perth. She and her husband are traveling across the US and parts of Canada visiting family and friends, seeing the sights and stopping to make people such as myself extremely jealous.
I have come back to Cleveland, willingly, I will add for clarity, four times from exotic locals that I could have made an effort or at least an attempt to stay. England, California, twice and Japan. So, why then did I keep coming back here, it's not the stimulation factor or the desire to be near family as I have none living in the area. It has to be because on levels that I can not protest, it feels like home and other places just don't.
We are planning on traveling abroad next year and in two or so to live where the sun is a common sight. However for now, I am trying to visit the origin of these connections and why the city that I mumble quietly, when asked where I live, is where I call home.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Of a different kind

My husband is brilliant, damn him! It's annoying only because it's subtle, he's no Stuart shouting "look at me, look at me!" That would be my approach. He just has both the ability to let things slide into view and an intimate knowledge of the art of patience.

A few days ago, file under the heading of; I'm going to react calmly to Jacob having his girlfriend in his room; unfortunately, Jake didn't go along with my plan so I told him to leave. Yes yet again, I've abandoned my child .

Late in the evening of that day, after much hand wringing, I finally decided to talk to Eamon about it and of course, because he is who he is, he already knew and had talked to Jake about interceding on his behalf.

The other topic that he emblazoned his wisdom regarding is the challenge of obsessive thoughts and how even if you are used to them, at times, it just becomes all encompassing, hence the OCD intervention. He suggested, and I've had a handle on this before but never put it quite so succinctly, that when you manage to put something into check, or "get a patch", you find yourself unconsciously redirected to another issue with machine like precision.