Thursday, July 30, 2009

It used to be so civilized

Today when I went for a walk with a friend , we met in the metro park and she had bought her little pug and I had my big Stella. Her dog, though one quarter the size, found Stella quite alluring and let it be known that he was interested.
Stella relished the idea and let him know by trying to nip his ass when he lunged and then retreated. It's amazing how like people, animals really are.
Whenever I really wanted a man, there was no way I was going to get him, nope, that want must have set off alarms farther than humans can hear. It was only when I didn't care and or wasn't looking that someone would cross my path and have to lunge at me to get me to notice. And then I would click in and move towards that, what ever it might have been.
Watching the dogs today, their game of forward and back, I thought about how I just never quite got into the rhythm, that when I was being played with I got all serious and when I wasn't I wanted to find anything to make a match, game and point.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Walk right in it's around the back

Today is Gus' 17th birthday and the plan was to have breakfast out together with he and Jake.
When we finally got out of the house at around one, I suggested lunch. Usually there is a place we go that serves in between stuff, but Gus felt like having a "grown up" lunch which in our case meant waiting 40 minutes for appetizers and salad and then the entree came ten seconds later.
Now I know Gus does not like me to make a stink, so I didn't but because he had gone out on a limb and ate outside of his usual burgers and fries motif, I was really disappointed about the experience and felt compelled to tell someone.
That is until I heard the chef tell a waitress he was going to smash a hot plate into her face, that's when I kind of felt that perhaps is was just a bad day in adult world and time to go outside and play.

Friday, July 24, 2009

In a box

Lite posting this summer as I don't have much time to myself for introspection or analysis for which to write about.
Life is puzzling. Yes, I know that's a silly thing to say, but one would have thought that maybe beyond the routine of daily living there would be some resolution or contentment. Sure the edges are less sharp and the passion is, well less passionate, regarding interests and pursuits that is. But the confusion and stress abound.

Gus is starting to look at colleges and because he has these innate, thusly confounding math skills he can pretty much go wherever he wants; and so far that choice is Ohio State. The controlish freak in me wants to and partially does step in to suggest anything else, but so far he is determined.
Part of my interest in him finding an ivy league or anywhere but Ohio selection is that we want to find greener pastures and there are none in the state we're in. So, if he chooses to stay here, we might have to as well.
I've always looked for a geographical cure for my ills. Though I am aware that there is not so much an external locus that makes for a happy cure, it doesn't hurt to have an ocean or some mountains near by to sweeten the deal.
So, I will try and keep the opinions and declarations to myself and keep in mind that it's his life and future in the making, not just an opportunity for change and transformation for mine.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Lean a little bit closer

Didn't I say there would be a price? I thought it might be an emotional or philosophical reckoning about returning home and what that entails, but no, it happens to be a very physical experience having to do with two dogs not right in the tum-tums and of two toilets doing the opposite of what is required.
Eamon fixed one of them yesterday, toilette that is, and through the bathroom window the entire Midwest could hear him using his imaginative word usage to relay his frustration and view on all things needing repair.
I thought about how if I was at my job, or in fact doing a task around the house, and I screamed fucking motherfucker every time I hit a snag, that perhaps others would find that unacceptable. And obviously it is, but it's my husband's way of letting us know he is doing something; he doesn't want to, he shouldn't have to but he is.

Friday, July 17, 2009

And everything

What I learned on my summer vacation;
There is a next time. That way I can get it right. Each time we go away I figure I will be able to hone it down and sort out what works and what doesn't. So far I know that bringing Eamon and Gus was not a good idea. It's not that they don't like to have fun, it's that they don't know how to when they are out of a familiar environment.
Meeting my two lady friends who love to have fun and know me and my family well enough to forgive us our foibles was a brilliant plan, except for that I felt like I had to act out the fun that Gus and Eamon weren't having so that there would be some balance. In short I'm a dork; they know who they're dealing with and it's fine no matter how much or how little.
Jake stayed at the house with Echo because she would have thrown herself off the kennel roof if she had to be boarded. He seems to have cleaned up from the rave I know he threw quite well. So I'm going with the don't ask don't tell policy for once in my life.
As for the price, in that there always is one; this time, besides for all the work involved before during and after, it's going to be getting back in the swing, and ducking when necessary.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The night weighs heavy

The Wildwoods of New Jersey beckon, and who am I to say no. Some grouping of my family will be traveling to the shore for summer fun and carefree living; oh wait that's not us, that's all of the other families in the world. Ours will be bickering, whining and lamenting the lack of whatever Wildwood may be lacking; whether that be real or made up.
Me negative, what, no way. I am just stuck in a loop of hating everything right now, so why not add the vacation I've been planning and looking forward to for a year to that list.
I don't do well having fun when the world around implodes; and it is. We see it every day at the library. Disenfranchised, frustrated individuals and families trying to figure out what to do about all that they have lost. As a public setting, it's the front line and the essence of the economic meltdown. And what is most complicated is that it is as if we are living in a parallel universe, one that resembles the other but is actually a nightmare version similar in make up, but a completely different substance.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Let martial note in triumph float

Oh the glorious fourth of July, reason to act out and be loud, drunk and american. Just what we need more of.How is it that freedom to so many people means getting drunk or eating a lot, a get together if you will, at any opportunity. Not that I don't comply with the sentiment, it can just get old and tiresome and I don't even do it that much.
Tonight we go to a friend's who travels out of state to purchase fireworks. That's code for "blowin shit up". It's fun, but I also have to be vigilant as Gus almost blew his hand of the year before last. He says that he has grown a lot since then, but also asked for a lighter to expedite the firepower this year.
Last night as I was trying to watch 12 rounds, the neighbors across the street had their annual we are going to be assholes a night early fireworks display, so much to my displeasure I had to put off the movie and console Stella and her incontinent self proving once again that I do in fact know how to party.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I would tell you

Oh the changing winds. As I've had a birthday since last posting, I in my old age have some things to declare;
Getting old sucks and it's easy to become obsessive about the normal changes that occur with that process.
My Dachshund and I now have the same neck.
I'm not as limber as I used to be.
And, lastly, I don't have the strong feelings and inclinations that I used to about so many things. Now, it's limited to a few, still relevant; music, movies, politics, but I've lost most of the fervor and absolute certainty about most of life.
Not all of that is bad or a big loss, what is disappointing still is that with age comes the knowledge that you can let your kids know over and over how to overcome or manage some of the more complicated or challenging events, even clue them as to how to navigate these experiences and come out barely scathed, but of course, they don't listen or take notice. They just make fun of your voice or when you stumble they laugh and know better.