Friday, September 28, 2007

Turns it all around

Mahmood Ahmadi-Najad and George Bush are the same person me thinks. Perhaps that is too simple of a statement regarding two world leaders who seem to have very little restraint demonstrating their fundamentalist and singular ways of thinking, yet somehow being a mother and daughter of people who I find to have twoferrific qualities that probably exist in me as well, I'm one to talk.
Jake and I have been in negotiations for him to come home. The issues that are on the table all have to do with the quality of life that we are hoping to continue, and the expectations that Eamon and I have for both ourselves and for him. It all looks so good on paper. Well, not really because there is no paper involved, unless I want to use origami as a metaphor.
I think it would be best for all of us if he did decide to return. I'm not idealizing the possibilities, I'm merely missing my son and hoping that we can figure out a way to be together. Unfortunately, role models for this type of process are few and far between.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Just keep taking it

Endurance, perseverance, resilience all qualities that are lacking on the O'Neill front, except for the endurance part and that is being married for twenty years to the same fella. Indeed that is a huge number within the context of one's own life. But I reckon it's nothing like fighting in world war II, in the pacific theater, on Guadalcanal a 90 mile long island that was fought over by the Japanese and Americans in a bloody and endless mess of lost life, insanity and a sense of victory that changed the dynamic of the war according to Ken Burn's epic program. Okay am I comparing my marriage to a battlefield; no, what I am saying is that it's important to have a frame of reference. So, with that I submit that life is easy in comparison, making, the "Iraq war" easy. Not of course for the people directly involved and or for the people who actually live in the country that's been destroyed. But for Americans, yup. Far too easy and painless, because making it seem like a sacrifice might actually get people involved and interested in why this actually started in the first place and what it all means, rather then where do I get a ribbon for the back of my car.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

It's a honky-tonk parade

It's a world of make believe.
Why are we entering into a recession? There is going to be a congressional committee put together, with a Republican Chairperson, I have to add, to investigate this situation. Here, I'll give it to you for free,no time wasted and less scurrying about pretending to look for answers. It's called a huge colossal killing machine of a war motherfuckers. If all of America is spending their evenings doing what I did last night, which was watching Bret Michaels ( and I will disclaim here that is was the first and last time for watching), be a huge pig and all the while degrading the woman he's "seeing" in between them doing that to themselves. Then, I guess I have to say we are in a place where nothing can phase me, not even every social program being cut because they all put a stranglehold on the way America does business.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Since the world began

Every process has steps, and each one of these often leads to a series of events that take you away from your sole purpose.
In every store, building, school, library, hospital, office, and home, there are procedural formalities that are in place. So, for example, if you come into the library in which I work, and you want to sign up for the Internet, you have to find an open computer, which can no longer be on the first floor if you are not a teenager, meaning you go upstairs or use the elevator, then in order to use the terminal you sign up, on a sheet with 16 slots, by finding a number that is free and sign up under that number. We guarantee patrons can have 30 minutes but may be asked to finish up after that. Okay boring I know but I'm trying to make a fucking point here and that is, in every venue there are so many things you have to get through and you go to five or six places in one day including being at home, then there are going to be times when it's way too much. The thing I recognize, is that when you get that look of; what's the big deal so you have to do a few things in order to do or get the thing you want done, but as you change venue it's an entire new list of operations to be performed another set of protocols to adapt to. That is exactly what happens, readjustment and acclimation, ain't it grand.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

That don't right the wrong

Atonement is a complicated issue, though it's really not. I don't thing that reflection should be underestimated in it's worth, and that's how I view trying to inventory one's transgressions and potential for change. Eamon and I often discuss how it seems that people continue to make the same mistakes yet expect different results. It's not stupidity, it's hope that some how the outcome will be altered. I don't think there are sins, I do however know that behavior can and will make life more or less bearable. I'm all for the, let's take a few hours or days and see where we went wrong or right over the last year summary.
I remember this morning six years ago all to well, and as I discuss the day with my friends at work, and my husband on the phone, I recognize that macro-rumination is often degraded by bullshit and blather about nations, and strength, and sacrifice. No, I think just letting things be is often the best response, as whist as that might sound.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Come to naught

I'm unreliable. Not in all ways or at all times, but enough to be a nuisance to myself and the person or persons on the other end of the network. I have the best intentions when I make plans, I apparently become a victim of circumstances beyond my control. And what that really means is that I have not thought out how things are going to go if I have to be too many places at one time. And then, I just feel bad, about more than the incident itself, but about the whole entire picture and how it is sideways on the wall.
I've been stood up, let down and just plain forgotten, so I'm not unaware what it's like to be the recipient of said undependable actions, and I know that I usually take it with a grain of salt in that if I do it then others will as well, and it's almost a relief on one level, to know that I'm not the only asshole who has far too many things going on to remember to write them all down on a little piece of scratch paper and put it in my pocket to take out before I wash pants or skirt, and then write down on the calender the appointment, schedule change or event.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The less we say about it the better

Jake wants to come home. Part of that desire, is just for the sake of change and I know this because I'm somewhat familiar with that aspect of his personality. Otherwise, I think he really does just want to be here with us.
It seems to me that rejection is the genesis of many problems for people. Not even if it is intended or the motive, it's perceived and ultimately that's all it boils down to; how a person feels about the way he or she has been treated. In realizing this, I contend that if rejection is indeed the cause of insecurities and fears about relationships, then one does not have a chance to really have any kind of inspired and original experiences because they are all based on familiar origins. Thusly, to put it into acutely technical terms; we are screwed.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Just give me one thing

Ah, nothing like a long holiday weekend to make you feel inefficient, ineffective and in a pickle. Well, not the last one but the former two. With three days, you feel almost invincible, with all that time to utilize and strategize. Squandered I say. Though I did get the hedges trimmed so now I'm walking around like Quasimodo with a tan. There is a level of hope on that night previous to an extended weekend, you relish the possibilities and perhaps actually accomplish half or less. Again, though whose expectations are we living up to in regards to what is completed or not. I stood outside watering the perennials and I thought to myself, I planted these, I picked them out, made my selection and placed them where they are to grow and make for pretty stuff to look at. Who the hell am I and how did I get here?