Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Out on the briny

It was all laid out for me this morning, nice and clear, nary a blurry area.
Jack had forgotten to cover a book and it was absolutely the last day or he would get a detention.
Although, as usual he stayed in bed until the last possible minute; he then was rushing around for the materials to use. I went upstairs to dress and fifteen minutes later, he still had not finished the job. I sent him to get ready and did it myself. And that's when I realized, (actually I knew something was brewing but didn't put it together it until I was in the car), that the youngest child is often the one that has trouble finishing tasks, completing assignments or closing the deal because someone comes along, either impatient or running out of time, and does the job for them.
I bet that it's not just he youngest or the slowest, but that the person that it directly effects, i.e. the mom, sibling, father, teacher, or friend is compelled by their own momentum to intervene and eventually perpetuating the behavior so it becomes the norm.

Friday, September 24, 2010

From infinity to infinity

It's been a week from weekland. We dropped Gus off at school after climbing nine flights of stairs a few too many times, and then drove back with such a mixed bag of emotions that I can't even define how I feel about him being away at school. I reckon it has to sit for awhile and then I can make some sense of it. But I do get to say that I have two sons in college and that's like such a badge.
Last night, Eamon worked overtime, which is obviously going to become a common thing; so I got to watch Just Wright with Queen Latifah and Common. Not that I want to ruin the movie, but they get together and he is an NBA player. Not gonna happen, not in this world, the one previous or the next. The movie even substantiates that by showing the area in the stadium where the wives of players sit, and let's just say none of them resemble the Queen. That absolutely bought me to tears, both for personal and universal reasons. It isn't as if men are not attracted to women of all sizes, but there is a standard, a pressure that is both social and economic to choose someone who fits, in both a literal and figurative manifestation.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The less we say about it

Gus is going down to OSU on Sunday to start his new career as a college student. It's been a long summer with him, mostly because he's been off with nothing to do, and no desire to change that since the last week in May.
At work the question is will I miss him. Certainly the answer is yes, he provides a balance; he's on the same side of the scale as Eamon, OCD and anxious as opposed to Jake, Jack Henry and myself, neurotic and anxious as well. So, that I will miss, and that he will actually do tangible things around the house and yard without too much conflict.
He really is already gone though. He's more social and event oriented than the rest of us, and this means his absence will not resonate quite as strongly, at least at first.
I'm excited for him, I stayed in Cleveland to go to college and though I lived on my own, I was always aware that I had a home here, except that my parents moved away.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sail across a stormy sea

The old adage, that kindness is mistaken as weakness has taken on new truth for me.
I've always thought that was a ridiculous contention, but recently I've found that it does hold some validity in that it is weak to put others before yourself which is what, on most levels good intention or consideration is. Regardless, I'm all for it, It is natural for me, my husband and children to be solicitous of others; though, Eamon feels that an indoctrination, especially a religious one, is the real root of that behavior.
Jack's good friend, whom he has had some trouble with before, has moved in, for the second time on his inamorata. This is a week after this friend had spent a lot of time at our house, a good deal of which was with my parents, so maybe it's payback of some sort. Nonetheless, I kind of saw it all go down at the football game and I really didn't know if saying something to Jack or leaving it be was the best idea. Apparently he was also privy to the event and had already dealt with it by telling his friend there was no room in his life for that kind of betrayal. And here I was, thinking we would have to rent a storage unit.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

My light says go

The other day, driving home from somewhere, I heard a song on Brooklyn Vegan a hip and now radio show on Sirius. It was called Green Light by the Equals. I thought it was new, another re-visit to the psychedelia baseline sound of the sixties. It rocked somewhat garage, but it seemed to also have a dash of ska. Not new, not now, just something and some people I totally missed. They actually wrote Police on my Back and the version by the Clash is a darn close copy. Also, Eddie Grant came out of the band to write Electric Avenue a very catchy diddy from the 80's. Where have I been. Why don't I know everything. Of late with a re-re-viewing of Coffee and Cigarettes, I noticed the music in the background of the scene with members of the Wu Tang Clan, GZA and RZA, and Bill Murry; Jim Jarmush uses music in such a way that it just makes every scene bigger and better, of course none of that counts in his movie Limits of Control because it just sucked, slowly, slowly sucked.
With that, I got the soundtrack and started listing to some very early ska again which brings me to the place where I began, the Equals sound was a composite very ahead of it's time, and somehow, and it could be because there's so much, so many niches I will never even peak into, I get to keep finding new things out and lamenting it all the way.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

The destiny you sold

I'm ordering a t-shirt and it's going to say; I survived yet another visit from my parents. Would it be cathartic to wear a shirt that only expresses a fraction of relief. Sure, would it really serve any purpose beyond me getting some new duds, I think not.
The thing that I've realized is that all the effort I make to keep the peace and keep everyone happy is really about fear; an unknown, undefined angst about getting in trouble, not doing enough, not pleasing those with their insatiable needs and my equally ravenous desire to maintain the status quo which includes serving and serving some more.
I actually like providing, making, and being a help. It's part of my nature, and part of being female and a mom. Where the line gets murky is when it gets to the juncture of how far can I be pushed, how much can be done, and how the boys get in on the fun by reacting with their own equally unquenchable litany of demands. Oh, they have so much to learn.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I wouldn't if I were you

This morning in my flurry of activity to be somewhere, make sure everybody else was where they needed to be and had what they needed to have, I slammed my head on a desk bending down to pick up a piece of paper, and then just acted as if it hadn't happened because we were in the middle of getting ready to open the library. That is me in a nutshell. Someday I will either pretend nothing is wrong as I'm dying or I will make a joke about it.
Last week someone, or something found their way into my itunes account and downloaded full albums, mostly Guns&Roses, on my dime. It's a huge dime, it's one that costs far more than just the monetary part, as I'm sure is the case in many situations such as this.
It comes at a time when I am already inundated with paper, data, financial issues and the like. When else would it happen? In a previous post I had lamented about how rotten things were for me and great for the rest of the world, if I really want to to know the answer to that I can keep on this avenue of indulgence or ranger through it until the next cycle.