Tuesday, December 25, 2012

As if I was

Yesterday Jack asked me if his letter from Kent State was in the mail I had just picked up from the box.  I answered no, and then a little while later he was looking at something on my desk, pulled out a giant blue envelope and asked me what it was.  I looked and saw that it was indeed from Kent, and I hadn't noticed it because I had not expected something from a university to be blue.
It was his acceptance packet.  He was admitted into the school of architecture, which he hadn't been sure that he would actually qualify for.
It dawned on me as I was cleaning the sink, and looked up at myself for second, that my last child was going to be leaving.  
It's not as if I am unaware of this process, nor am I adverse to time to myself, which has been a rarity for the last  twenty three years.  But, the dawning of this new age, of no excuses, or demands, is incomparable to anything I've ever known.

Monday, December 17, 2012

To keep oneself intact

Two weeks ago, a librarian where I work was pushed down to the floor by a customer. This is a guy who for the last five or so years has come to the library every day. He’s either homeless or close to it, he uses study rooms to sleep or talk on his cell phone, or he uses computers, and often gets frustrated and is impatient with how we help him.
In short, he’s got some mental health issues, and has a somewhat adversarial relationship with some of my co-workers, including the woman he pushed.
Because there had been emails and incident reports about this particular individual, the library seems to be concerned about our safety and has assigned an off duty policeman to sit by the front door, specifically to stop this man from coming into the branch, as opposed to circulating and deterring aberrant behavior which has become common. Including; swearing , viewing pornography, aggressive behavior, and finally physical assaults.
We’ve only got the police in the building for two weeks before the trial of the guy who took it one step too far, then, it’s a free for all.

Monday, December 10, 2012

So I lit a fire

I feel like The Dark Knight Rises, was terrible. And here’s why; besides for the length, it was lost on me as to what the point of destroying Gotham and causing all sorts of upheaval either proved, or conveyed . It was supposed to be a class war, yet the henchmen were as free with their violence on the working class as they were with the rich folk.
It was aimless, pointless and , based on my checking Facebook over the course of the movie, boring.
Jake was not happy with my response, accused me of not having seen the previous movies, though I’m the one who took him to Batman begins in 2005, and the Dark Knight was discussed over a long period of time at my house, just for the powerful acting and storyline.
I think that my kids take it very personally when I’m critical of something they enjoy or feel strongly about. And I can relate to that from my own experience, but usually it was a difficult art house or independent movie that I had to defend, as opposed to what had been shaping up to be a worthwhile two hours and forty five minutes.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I'll come by on Monday

I have an odd time with good fortune, or even fortune, it just brings us back to self esteem and what I feel I can expect.  As of two days ago, Eamon is a full time employee at the company he has been working part time for, since May. He casually mentioned it yesterday, and I could hear the restrained joy and , okay no, there was no joy, it was just matter of fact, because he knew all along that eventually things were going to be okay, but I didn’t, so the joy was internal, muted and hidden behind some shades, and a steel wall.
I want to trust that we will get back on track, that I won’t have to work forty four hours a week anymore and that someone or some organization, will appreciate and value the time my husband spends working there. The simplicity of having a job is a common and everyday experience , until you don’t.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

One of us

Impulse, whether it be to control or not to control, that is the question.
I think that being an adult, acting with rational and reasonably well thought out behaviors represent the decision, on some level, to overcome those influences, as opposed to not having them. In other words, to be a true adult, it’s important to see past the immediate need or desire and either accept and ignore it, or incrementally react as opposed to a full onslaught.
We often succumb to what can be seen as the simple impulse, but those are the true challenges, not the big stuff, because that’s where you end up after giving into the gateway whim. I have seen and felt the repercussions of giving in , it’s an everyday thing for all of us, to hear about the diets gone wrong, the drink had, the poor judgment used, and then comes the guilt, admonishments, isolation and rejection, and that’s just the internal reaction.