Thursday, May 28, 2009

Now it's time to go and do the show

When we were newly married, I started to "help" my husband with his wardrobe. He leaned towards stripes and wall street collars and I just nudged him a bit when necessary. At one point I had purchased him a shirt with a little insignia on the front and he expressed his distaste for anything logo and went of on a rant regarding slogan flush clothing.
Skip ahead twenty years and we have this lovely that I just found in the closet. I'm going to put this out there, in all of the shows that I went to there was only one purchase, it was a Toxic Reasons shirt, and the reason being, they just blew my head wide open and I had to submit to their power. So now we have many a Chuck Norris related item as well as some Phat urban designs. In retrospect, I might have held back in sharing an opinion years ago, because that might have enabled me to not have to walk around with someone turned out not unlike this.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

In an endless sea

I've never mattered enough. Not enough to think about when I'm not with you, or in another city. Not nearly enough to want to spend a whole lot of time with and certainly never enough to make sacrifices for.
Okay now I'll temper all of that with a more moderate approach. I really have never been the focal point or fixation that I would like to have been. For the most part I don't mind because I only really get back what I give. Of late, I'm feeling it kind of on a deeper level as in, now I am going full out with so many things, and where in fact is the return?
In the family I grew up in there were two camps. My two sisters and my parents which left little interest or patience for the likes of me. Now of course, this is my perspective of it all and the dynamic was established long before I could make any significant challenge or change to make it more egalitarian. The result of all of my frustration is that I know because I have not spoken up or made things clear or known, that no one could make any changes for me because no one asked them to.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I must have used the wrong line

Last night after a day of equal amounts of leisure and hard work, Eamon and I went to a party at CSU for a co-worker of his who is retiring.
The party was to be held at one of the banquet rooms in this building. Though my husband has worked at his job for 15 years, he had no idea where we were to go. Due to the size of the "convo", we ended up walking for about ten minutes trying to find a way in. As we discovered none, he mentioned that it might actually be next week.
I could have easily done without the vast quantity of bird feathers, guano, eggshells and other kind of wasteland sitings that we perused as we made our way from door to door. But next week, we'll have it down.
So, we decided to go out to eat at a restaurant in Tremont and we went to to sit out on the patio. Because we are not savvy and or mind readers, we sat at the wrong table. Ultimately, we moved four times before settling down to our castigating waiter/criticism session coordinator's choice of appropriate locations. We should have left, but we were so far into the dysfunction of the experience, and disoriented by one week, that we just stayed and wallowed in it, much like we end up doing every day.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

If my colors all run dry

The early Memorial Day holiday has the library in some sort of uproar. We will be closed for three days and people who come here every day are somewhat anxious. I don't mean the people who work here; I'm talking about the individuals who spend every day all day here either on the Internet or their own computers.
I used to not judge people and what they did. But, as I've grown older and less tolerant like the rest of the population. I am flummoxed by the amount of people in the world and then to be more specific, the amount that seem to have little other to do.
Jake has been on a downward turn for the last month or so. He cycles between sleep and a couple of hours at work, out with friends and then more somnolence. My tolerance for him is waning as well. I don't have any Patience for his missing of appointments or desperate run to get to the DMV before they close to renew a licence on the last day.
He seems to luck out and things fall into place; but not so much that life becomes easier or makes more sense, it's just enough to squeak by and at some point that's going to get a lot louder.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Do you do more

The good bad movie and the just shitty movie; Taken is the latter. Even with the Liam Neesan sympathy card, I could not get past how and why he was in this movie. Now that's just me of course, because all of America just loves it. Entertainment Weekly gave it an A- there goes my lifetime subscription. This was Saturday night after we went to Fatheads to eat dinner, the new cavernous, way too loud high ceiling, cement floored, "brewery" in North Olmsted, and boy do those North Olmstedians know how to turn it out. All in all the night was an epically proportioned fail.
Remedy; watch a small entertaining movie with Frank Langella who is my new favorite sex symbol. Sad, very sad, but true.

Friday, May 15, 2009

That ain't the way to have fun

My Mother in-law broke her hip on the day after Mother's Day. Of course she was working out in the yard when it happened.
When I was younger if you talked about people in their eighties I kind of pictured aliens, or people who were so out of touch they might as well have been. Now that I really do know people who are, I can say, categorically, that they are just like you and me, apparently just more fragile.
I sat in her hospital room for a couple of days worried and concerned because at first it looked very bad for her due to some complications, but after they gave her a bionic hip, she seemed to really improve to such a degree that no one was even remotely worried about her any more, they just wanted to know what her next meal was going to be.
I'm not kidding; the three meals were as much a spectacle as the changing of the guards. We all watched as Lenore brought her food for her, set up her double top hospital table, so that all of the clutter could stay and there is another surface you just have to pull out for the tray. She pulled off the cover to reveal steaming hot food that under any other circumstances would be undesirable, but not unlike the bar at the airport, that food became incalculably precious.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

That's the way I want it to stay

On Saturday at work, I was asked by a colleague to run the Wii program, which this week was Rock Band.
After we set it up, I played drums on a few songs and sang; all before the teens came in to play.
I've only played guitar hero in the past, so I've never experienced the joy of the percussion and or vocals that make it possible to really rock out. So, there was a double dose of vicarious living as far as I can tell. Number one, I was playing a game that makes you feel like performer and two, I was living it up like the young folks for one more go round.
I'm getting a lot of Ma'am's lately. I don't want to guess why and, it's a lot better than buddy any day. I do however, always call ladies that I help at my job Miss; no matter their age.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

You can call it

I use the excuse of three sons to make it possible for me to see a bunch of summer blockbusters with a reason beyond just my own interest.
I told a few people at work when they asked me what I was doing on mothers day; and they were aghast. I planned to see Star Trek. To me the perfect day would be some breakfast, an early movie and then set to task on the vegetable garden that lay fallow last year.
I love a summer blockbuster. I like action adventure, and scatological humor, I am a seventeen year old boy and have buddies to hang with. Unfortunately, I don't like them. I just have their taste in media.
Wolverine, and Star Trek were awesome. For like a total of four hours I totally forgot how much I hate my life and how most of everything sucks. Then there's the after effect which extends that feeling for maybe the whole day.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

I was driving the truck

I'm easily obsessed. When I was younger, for awhile at around ten, it was George Orwell and 1984, soon thereafter the Time Life Cowboy series piqued my interest and chasing that were Bonnie and Clyde.
I'm sure like most people, you read everything about them, find what ever you can, and then move onto a new one that catches your eye.
With the advent of the Internet the OCD has been enabled and thankfully so for the most part. Again, it's what and how we explore that makes the difference. There is a thing called healthy curiosity and intellectual pursuit and then there's not.
Everett Ruess, thanks to a National Geographic Adventure and New York Times article, has become my latest fancy.
His story resembles a Jack London or Jack Kerouac character, except he's not based on anyone.
The mythic nature of his adventures become that because of how he died.
I'm late coming to find out about him, the art and writing he produced and his disappearance in the western United States. He was killed when he was twenty years old, after having generated innumerable works. I can only only imagine if he hadn't succumbed to brutes what he may have been capable of imparting.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Until you try

Jack Henry and I had a row today, and I was reminded of really troubling times when Jake and I used to get into it and not be able to stop.
Remembering when you've been awful, or full of acrimony can actually help to prevent further endeavours into the land of "bad parenting" or regret. At least I know that now, I'm as close as I can become to the Mom I always wanted. I'm accessible, energetic, and willing to change course when things aren't going well.
Jake involved himself In Jack and my argument, he might have diffused it but he also made it about him and caused things to suck even more.
Later, I went to see Jack Henry at school. He being an 8th grader loved that and as we both kind of fell apart in the hallway with me saying I didn't want to be estranged or alienated from him, and he agreeing. I told him to tell anyone that happened to see us crying that our cat died, or preferably one of the dogs.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Giving none away

I talked to Eamon about this two days ago, how the Jewish guy is going to be perceived as the sole perpetrator instead of the entire network of scoundrels who have caused the economic crisis we are immersed in.
As I left for the doctor's office yesterday at around 6:30 am, there were tons of cars on the road already. People making their way to work, as they do every day. None of that has changed, nothing really happened in terms of effort or regular people doing what they are supposed to be doing. What changed was that rich people got fucked and that stopped the entire thing flat. Now, we have to wait for them to lessen their profit expectations so we can go on doing what we have been which is working hard and not getting very far. Have I simplified a complicated conundrum; no and yes, it all depends on what world view you subscribe to. Building an economy on a flimsy self regulated casino, isn't going to end well. Especially if we depend on the people who are doing the investing and taking care of the dough to be honest and not too greedy.