Wednesday, May 27, 2009

In an endless sea

I've never mattered enough. Not enough to think about when I'm not with you, or in another city. Not nearly enough to want to spend a whole lot of time with and certainly never enough to make sacrifices for.
Okay now I'll temper all of that with a more moderate approach. I really have never been the focal point or fixation that I would like to have been. For the most part I don't mind because I only really get back what I give. Of late, I'm feeling it kind of on a deeper level as in, now I am going full out with so many things, and where in fact is the return?
In the family I grew up in there were two camps. My two sisters and my parents which left little interest or patience for the likes of me. Now of course, this is my perspective of it all and the dynamic was established long before I could make any significant challenge or change to make it more egalitarian. The result of all of my frustration is that I know because I have not spoken up or made things clear or known, that no one could make any changes for me because no one asked them to.


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