This is the fist that grinds you down

Fighting with Gus is an entirely different monster than battling with his brothers. He can hold out. He will sleep on the deck under the barbecue grill cover rather then get in trouble by waking me up because he forgot his key and came home way too late. Or, if I start taking privileges away, which is rare, he will do without and just wait me out until I either give in or forget what the problem was in the first place.
Right now, it's missed assignments at school and a lack of interest in completing his financial aid paperwork.
I wrangled his phone from him after he said to Eamon and I that he didn't have to answer to us. So, I guess now, he doesn't. It won't last and I might actually win this one, but really it's not so much a victory as a relief that he's not moping around lost in a world of idle thumbs.

Crushed my groove

This weekend was a full on good cultural, and financially crippling good time. The clash or divergent experience of going from the Hessler street fair to the Asian festival was only eclipsed by the fact that last week I had been to the Hooley in a predominately Irish neighborhood, and it was basically the same as the festival, but with more beer and less Szechwan.
The fiscal undermining came with Eamon's car dying and having to buy one and make it quick.
Someone asked me after we'd bought the new car, had I checked the Blue Book value to see if we were being taken for a ride, and I answered meekly that I had not. I realized then that I look that kind of thing up all the time at my job, that an ample part of my day is spent helping people find deals, information, and resources. Yet, I didn't do any of that, I just went along in my passive, no wait, in my antipathetic way expecting the worst, and strangely enough, getting it.

We'll let you in

Part of what keeps many people from success is the paperwork. I know it has done me in at times. Recently with Gus as we go through the 9 circles just trying to get the money stuff ironed out, I have to keep reminding him that this part isn't even related to school, these are just the preliminary stages of this process.
I've explained to him that this rite of passage is what keeps a lot of people from either going to school or applying for financial aid. It's not an accident that there is a ton of repetition and frequent moments of madness and frustration when for example, you are told they only received one of the two forms you sent, but that you copied them both onto the same sheet of paper.
I was warned by a friend about this particular institution and their lack of competence regarding records maintenance, but I was also jaded having dealt with the Bank of America debacle. Either way, it all serves a purpose; to either keep us busy or have us give up completely and settle on a future of a different sort.

If you could return

Communication is changing the relationships we have, or don't, or want to or wish we might and all variations thereof.
So, remember, (for those of us above 15 reading this), how when you fell in love with somebody, started to date or just were becoming friends and how you would call them when you could, after work, or school, at work, at home wherever there was a phone attached to a line, yes those days, well, there was some yearning involved and anticipation.
Now, there is no delay in contact, no time in between. There is the texting all night, all day, all nice. There is little opportunity to let thoughts linger, or be misinterpreted or even to settle in. I'm not saying things are moving faster, because time hasn't changed, but what has is the notion of access and any sort of limitation.
It's an evolution of sorts, just like any form of telecommunication or language. It's all so immediate, with no softness or cushion, just all here and now.

Of all the different ways

I'm a little out of whack, maybe the spring allergies, or it could be the snore-bark-snore-thunder-bark of every evening for the last few weeks.
Spring always brings lots of promise, of what, I don't know it just is a time that seems full of potential.
Last night was the final concert of the high school band that Gus will ever participate in. Was he feeling that I wondered? There is this small group that he runs with, a band geek gang if you will, and they are really the most talented kids I've ever seen, they play like they're in a professional outfit, they have tremendous confidence and they've had a conductor this year that let's them experiment, let's them thump giant sticks on the stage and whistle in addition to some very traditional standard arrangements.
I sit and wonder if these kids will continue with their music, or just kind of let that all drift away like so many segments our our lives, only to resurface when we start cleaning out an old file or drawer and find something that used to hold our focus and be right there in the center of things, all important and all encompassing.

You’re tripping back now to places

My 81 year old father asked me who Gus was in a relationship with? And I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "you know, the one he's in a picture with on his profile on Facebook." Yup, my dad, did I mention he's EIGHTY ONE, he knew before I did that Gus had a lady.
But it's Mother's day and that's really what I want to talk about. Eamon gave me the puka shell necklace I always wanted between 1972-78. I could not be happier. It may be late, but that just shows his hipness transcends time, somehow that seems familiar.

And then you stop

Sometimes, when you veer off, as if you had a path that is, it just takes a quiet moment in the morning, a sudden awaking of the senses to make you realize you've been a dolt and it's time to get back on track, toe the line, head in to the wind, whatever it takes to just focus on the parts of life that actually are going to move you forward rather than keep you in the same place or better yet, retrogress a little.
It's good to be needed, but I think I've overstepped in regards to the fellas I live with. I kind of wanted to be there for every loss or negative, which has probably been to all of our detriment. There does need to be room for missteps and collapse, but how much is where I have some difficulty gauging.

I'm just looking for

My old man is a temporary federal employee. He trained most of last week to be a Census worker to round up the roughly 20% of the people who did not send theirs in from our district.
That's actually a pretty low number compared to other communities where it's as high as 70%. So, because he was just a minute or two away from home, he and I got to have lunch together a bunch of times. I know couples who do this a lot, but it's a completely new experience for us to see each other in the middle of the day when we are neither grumpy from just getting up or worn out.
It's just for about a month and a half, but so far there's been a huge payoff in just the stories and experiences from some of the participants, of course, he can't share any of those because he has sworn an oath. But, I can tell just by looking at him; the twinkle in his eye, spring in his step, he's earning every penny.