The fear is gone

Between Vertigo and the start of school, there is nary any time to address any of the pressing, or for the most part, not so pressing issues at hand; and, in that I'm on a pretty strong decongestant, none of it matters anyway. Even with the mellow vibe, I hear a little voice yelling, for me to be more involved in something that matters but I just don't seem to be able to muster any interest.
A few things that do seem to to push past the haze are, that I have to have surgery on my knee that got messed up when I was surfing this summer, and... well actually I slipped on some ice at work last winter, but hangin' ten is a much better story; and that having been out of whack for two days and watching the world fall apart around me, I can't even imagine the state our lives will be in when I am immobile for weeks.
At best, there will just be an huge amount of clutter and debris, at worst there will be people moving out and or being very scarce for the time being. Eamon does not do well at the helm, it's just who he is, but he does however, take care of the sick better than any one I've ever met. So, as the rest of the world crumbles, I'll have plenty of tea and pain killers to keep me rolling.

Come with me and escape

District 9 I could just leave it at that, but I would be getting off too easy. No stars, not very pretty people. An unknown director, never jumped the shark, didn't pander to LCD, didn't use CGI like a teenage boy with a new bottle of axe.
I haven't seen many of the summer movies this year, and it could be an age thing or perhaps I'm just done with the requisite boom-boom. It's not as if the pretty people of Hollywood can't act, I just watched 17 Again, and remembered that Zac Efron is talented, So is Brad Pitt, he's amazing in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. But there's so much detritus attached to these people, I was so in to this movie, and most of that had to do with not having to pretend I didn't know who I was watching, because in this case, I really didn't.

Tell me who has won

Yesterday the system that manages all of our public computers took a little time off to go to the beach and we were forced to use a manual sign up system which is what we had in place for eight years until the heavens opened, unicorn tears splashed all around us and we were given "Cassi".
I had forgotten how unimaginative people could be in their lack of civility or patience.
There was a lot of "this isn't fair", "why should we have to sign up" stuff. Mostly, from people who are at the library every day all day on the Internet playing games with frogs and little fantasy worlds that make so much more sense than our own.
I won't be working Sundays in the fall as ten years = no seniority apparently; so I will have to forgo abusive and illogical behavior in the public setting, for more of the same at my home.

Keeps getting sooner or later

Yesterday Gus and I drove to Columbus to check out the OSU college (compound) of engineering. I acted the part of interested and participatory mother, and did a pretty good job until the tour guide asked if we had gone to the admissions office like most of the other people had done. How did they know to do that? Where were the instructions? All the university sent us were some really bad directions. Yet again, I've missed the loop of information that would help to maintain what might be the only "normal" high school/ college experience any of my children will have.
Gus is a very bright kid, and an excellent scholar, but he has the inability to be in on the buzz or get the paperwork for scholarships, memberships and such that would propel him into that charmed life it seems so many of his peers are living. Not one of his close friends has a job, they all drive not that late of a model car, and they, know where and when to be at the right place.
If Gus has inherited anything from his parents, it's a keen mind, a sense of humor and the lack. I can help him to fight it, to stave it off, but it will always get the better of us. No matter how hard we try to function like civilians, the reality is we are not. There is some good in that but I'm tiring of the overthinking, analytical process and evaluation. In this case,it just gets in the way.

Knowin' what I know

I had to let some stuff sink in, and let it resonate for a bit lest I write something I might regret as I've done countless times before. But this time I really did need to hold steady for awhile.
The library has had some major funding cuts, anyone could see that was going to be the case as we are at the mercy of state and county tax revenues which have decreased considerably.
There has also been some flush living as in the expectation that the fun would never end and we could just throw it out the window because there would always be more.
I knew better; I worked in a library in California breathing the fumes of proposition 13 which had eviscerated any public institution within the bear republic. So, as I labored within this system and watched as consultants, motivational speakers, and highly compensated fellows became the norm along with reclassification of many positions which boils down to people doing the same thing but making a lot more money, I worked hard non the less and waited for the talaria to drop. It has, and now we will fight it out amongst ourselves as the assemblage has done for all time, as the higher ups make the tough calls and difficult decisions.

Like you've had too much

Gus has a summer reading list and one of the titles is Hamlet. He got the idea to invite a bunch of his friends over to have pizza and read the play out loud. In fact I can hear them acting it out right now. There are some talented kids in his class, hungry, talented kids.
We ordered three pizzas and they arrived about twenty minutes before people started to get here.
When I went downstairs to check if everything was ready, he was writing something down that looked like a list. I looked over his shoulder and saw that he was making a calculation I asked him of what. He said that he had asked the pizza delivery guy what temperature the pizza was when it arrived; and so Gus was calculating what it would be by the time the party was supposed to start.
'Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew.'

Beyond the rainbow

I am no fan of Bill Clinton, and it has nothing to do with his personal life, but his diplomatic savvy is undeniable. He was the only representative of the USA who went to East Timor when it became an independent democracy, after 450 years. And that's when he started to creep into my line of vision as someone who might have an agenda that was grander than a growth or economic scheme.
Sure there was much going on behind the curtain to enable him to go to Korea and obtain the release of two female journalists who were headed for 12 years of imprisonment. All they had to do was say they were sorry.
For a lot of people that's an extremely difficult task. But why? let's weigh the consequences; say something, or go to a gulag. Seems simple enough. Meaningless words in a ridiculous situation can alleviate so many more issues than, say, going to war or holding a grudge. It opens up an opportunity for dialog and for some, that's actually the problem, because when it comes to communication they fear the ramifications of a lack of conflict or struggle to get to some more elevated place where thought is the precedent as opposed to mindless contention.

For its hard, you will find

When you really grow up, and that comes in stages, you have to come to terms with many of the usual things, like being made fun of by your children because you text slowly or you can't read the menu in a dim restaurant, or not being on the cutting edge any longer, as if at one time you were.
Years ago,when I visited in California I went to Bent records HQ to score some music to bring back to WCSB. Bent produced some favorites and i just kind of wanted to be there.
So it ended up to be small apartment and studio run by a couple who happened to just be waking up for the day. They were a little taken aback by my just dropping in, but gracious never the less and sent me home with some primo tunes.
As I have been listening to Dark is the Night, the latest in a series of compilations produced by Red Hot, to support AIDS causes, I was immediately brought back to the time when I would hear something, just quiet in the background and know it would take me to that place that only music can. Transformative experiences, when you are an adult become more meaningful because life has more meaning when there is less of it to live.
And, in this case I'm going to put it out there that this double CD set is so totally fucking awesome that I just want to stare into space with my headphones on forever and ever.
How's that for an adult, professional writer? When it's boiled down and burning in the pan, I will always have elements of childishness, even as I slather on the Strivectin which is all part of a fairytale anyway.