What joy

Certain things get softer with time, like body parts, world views and brain matter. With that comes sort of a resignation that there is not much that can be done about all of the things that need changing, both on an interior and exterior level.
I want to still feel a vitality regarding the nature of the world around me, fortunately with children you always feel as if you have something to do, a task at hand or at least a ride to be given. Beyond that I want to exist in the larger world and function within a community that is not just about the kids and what goes along with them, but one with more of a universal nature. Am I fooling myself, should I just come to terms with the way we live; I have a lot of trouble accepting the status quo. It's never gotten me anywhere, all this angst, but to an extremely frustrated and agitated state. Yet I continue to wish for a place to feel connected, but not too much.

Full of possibilities

Jack is eating his lunch alone; well not alone because there are hundreds of other kids, but he's sitting at a table by himself. It's his choice, he says there is too much drama at the table he usually sits. His best friend has chosen to remain on set and subsequently I think Jack is pretty down. Yet, he perseveres. I've suggested some less known friends to sit with or perhaps strike up a conversation with some outlanders , but he gives me a look like I'm so far off from the reality of the situation that I need to just go back to my shuffleboard.
My kids are sad, they've got very little to hold onto right now, and that little is me. Eamon has kind of emotionally left the premises and no matter that it's his issue not ours, he'll make it seem as though our mere existence is a big fucking pain in his ass; hmm, rings a familiar bell with me. Nothing like marrying your parents and only having the gumption to admit it 22 years later.
Friday fish sandwich anyone?

I just looked around

Yesterday after having no coffee for over a month, I had half a cup and was a wreck. Placebo affect, I think not. I lazed about for a few hours and watched the Dew tour BMX competition. Jack and Gus meandered in and asked what I was watching it for because it was boring.
This is what I'm faced with. I have three sons, and they have no interest in catching any air what so ever. I'm not feigning an interest in this, I have always been amazed at people who can forgo gravity whether it was hand stands or doing a full cab. The fellas, unfortunately are more interested in head shots.
Speaking of head shots, it's been JFK week on the history channel, a smorgasbord of archival footage, theories, and newsmen making proclamations about the absurdity of the idea of a conspiracy. My laundry is folded in tight, neat and precise ways never imagined at my house. That is due to the never ending levels of frustration manifested through my fingers as I watched the aforementioned journalists impart truth to those of us who might not know different.

Mending a fuse

I have to get a flu shot every year, I really do. Not the new one, but the old school if I get it I'd probably die flu.
Yesterday, as a twofer I went to get it before my last physical therapy appointment. I registered a few minutes before nine and headed in the direction I was told. As I approached, there was a gaggle of seniors surrounding a table with one gal in colorful scrubs looking askance.
They were pissed, there was no reconciling how slighted they were because there were some walk in patients and the the ones that had appointments were not going to stand around and wait for the people that didn't.
Now, let me back up here and give a clear picture of most of the individuals in this group. Old, very old not under 80 probably closer to 90. Where do they have to be that they are going to get freaked out before anything even happens at the chance that they may have to wait a few minutes.
It does so happen that they took the people with appointments first and boy after the vilification of those others, all returned to normal; which is a relief because I don't think fisticuffs were out of the realm of possibilities based on the degree of hostility that was achieved.

Bit by bit

It's taking me a lot longer to recover from this knee thing than I had imagined. I thought I would spring back but alas, I'm like a slinky that gets a bit tangled and then is basically worthless.
While I was idle, I watched a bunch of movies, few of which I remember. I did however see one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Che, which initially was going to be an obligatory watch, not only surprised me with a completely different approach to telling an epic story, but was so reflective of current events, I actually became, albeit mildly, inspired.
It's a small, quiet movie, incremental in both presentation of the progress of the revolution and in the revelations about the man. What I garnered most from this movie, was the basis for any revolution should be public health and the lack thereof, and literacy.
The choke hold that business and politically motivated interest groups have on health and education are insurmountable but luckily or stubbornly, people keep trying.
It's not a matter of admiring or identifying with the Cuban revolution, what the movie chronicles is the notion of being heroic for small and meaningful sacrifices rather than huge and bloated antics.

I was looking at all the life

Gus and I went to an MIT event on Sunday, it was in Ann Arbor and after awhile, explaining to people why we were going to Michigan for a recruiting program for a college in Massachusetts, got a little complicated so I just stopped.
Both of my sisters attended the university of Michigan and as a teenager I spent a lot of time there, initially going by bus which stopped in Toledo, right next to the plasma donor center, an unfortunate landmark burned into my brain, and then I drove myself, and what a liberating feeling that was.
Ann Arbor is still a lovely city and I was hoping that Gus would get a sense of the great energy there and would consider U of M as a possibility, but I think he was merely overwhelmed by the tie-dye.
I had hoped to stay in town but the cost was prohibitive so we ended up at what used to be the Best Western Executive plaza but is now the Hotel with no name. With that came an absolutely vast building that was almost vacant but for a few employees and some guy named Jack Torrance. There were also lots of crows in the parking lot to add to festive tone, requisite bumps in the night were heard, and thankfully, there was no screening of Paranormal Activity which had been playing the two nights previous as one of the special screenings across the county.

I had things planned

Sometimes when you try too hard, it really does show. I've tried way to much to be a better parent than my own, and apparently even that is not enough. The never ending need for more has claimed me as a casualty and I am infirm. I'm just annoyed at all of them. they're sloppy and gross, cause tons of trouble both of the simple and the extremely complicated kind. Why is that that I have to think about how their world view is limited, and I keep that in mind when I'm trying to explain the larger picture, when no one is doing or has done that for me. I just have to figure it all out by myself.

Jake got a ticket a few months ago, he "didn't address the problem" so it became a much bigger one, and I of course had to solve it. I just did it, I didn't lecture or make conditions, ask for promises or seek any guarantee of a reimbursement. Because, I've done all that before, it's meaningless. I just paid it and left it at that. Maybe my kids are teaching me something after all; That they can indeed wear me down. It just might have taken a little longer than average, but it can be done, even to those of us who think we are beyond the reach of mediocrity.