And I was you

When Jack turned eighteen Saturday, I’d have liked to think that marked the last day of childhood, and a new beginning .
Nope, legally we  might not have any dependents, but that would be the only exclusion at this point. We don’t get to claim him for any tax relief either, so all in all it’s not so much of a win.
It may be a construct of sorts,  the age thing, the demarcation, based on this number. And I’m sure many parents reflect on where they were and what they were like at certain reference points related to age, but I think, that a decision has to be made, for all parties. To make a shift, and transition towards that distinction,  rather then expect it to occur suddenly and completely.

And I think back to when

Yesterday I encountered two herd of Deer. The first, in my back yard. By the time I fumbled for a picture, there was only one, and it was barely visible behind a tree. The next was when I was driving down a four lane, busy, fast street, on the way to Trader Joe’s . They ran by in a seemingly endless blur, I was transported. There were at least eight or nine.
I noticed, and caught the eye in the instant, of one that was left on the wrong side of the road, watching from the woods as the others ran off. I wondered all day, if it was able to catch up, if they waited until it did.  I will never know, and yet I wonder always, about everything.
When I was young I thought to myself that I hope right before I die, there is a catchall list presented to me with some, or all of the answers to life’s mysteries.
Jake is 23 today, I was up most of the night thinking about this day, what has happened between then and now and such; and then, I just added it to the list of questions.

Back in fifty two

What I love and hate about the Internet is that words have become meaningless. There is little censorship, civility, or direction. It’s a free for all, and that means all the good and the bad. Can’t say that I hate that part, because I’ve never understood why its so hard for people to state the obvious rather than walk around the block, get on a bus, and then grab a cab rather then getting down to the nitty gritty.
With the amount of information and ridiculousness, deciding to take a negative comment or tirade to heart,  becomes a choice, within a reasonable context.
Now, knowing my own psyche and tendencies, I’m guessing most of us will grab on to that nasty, and divisive and make that the focal point. Of course we can make up for that with cute puppy or kitten pictures, which in itself is the equivalent of cutting out a Family Circus comic and pinning it up on your cubby wall.

This is how

Last week on Facebook, a well known musician friend of mine, and by far the best guitarist I know, posted a combination of band names, incongruous, humorous, and unfortunately, the antecedent to what is now a blur of mashups, that after a few days numbered in the five hundreds.
I did not commit a crime, and as Eamon has told me in the past, that is the gauge of which I compare the problematic nature of a behavior.
However, at one point in the middle of the night, I had to keep getting up and adding more to the list , because my mind would just not stop producing composites.
It wasn’t a competition for me, in fact I’m embarrassed on one level, in that he has tons of friends, many who don’t know me, and, for all I know, all of them received notices of each update.
What of it? It will all be forgotten, or already is. It’s just that it tapped into aspects of my personality and impractical skill set that I was not even aware of.

The virtues of restraint

Lawmakers and politicians who have been the casualties of violent acts , are usually the spokespersons for legislative responses to gun violence.
That’s just eerie and macabre. Because, what happens is they become the symbol, and everything else ends there. It’s just an uncomfortable reminder, and left at that.
What I know, working in a public place, a setting of two to three women and thirty to forty men, who come in, mostly daily, to sit at computers, or sleep, is, that most of the encounters we have that are negative, go from nothing to something huge in seconds. People are volatile, they have vast reservoirs of anger, frustration, what ever they bring with them, and it all comes up in a frothy (literally) jumble and is dumped on anyone who has the unfortunate task of being around.
The point being, we should not only start paying attention once the victim is a public figure. If you sit among people who are mentally ill, all day everyday, you know the prevalence for aggressive, violent behavior is part of the vernacular as opposed to something rarely visited.
Offering solutions is secondary to understanding the nature of the problem.

Days in the sun

My Mom called me today, or actually my Dad called and said she wanted to speak to me, because she didn't know where I was.

For my sister living in California, this is not a new or unusual thing, she speaks with my parents most days, and is used to our Mother's confusion and or lack of clarity regarding time or location.

I'm used to it because of various experiences, including my Grandmother, her mother, who never knew when we had arrived at her home in New Jersey, so upon seeing us would always greet us as if we'd just gotten there. And, while working with Alzheimer caretakers, who are usually family members, and helping them manage the outrage and anger that comes from the person who's experiencing the memory issues, and is pretty convinced, that it's the world that is confused, not them.

So, throw in my Mother's extremes in both belief and behavior and you've got a locomotive of agitation and bewilderment.

Then on the other end of the spectrum, we have Gus, he's twenty, angry, at who knows what, confused about his future, and sure that it's all our problem.  

I know that finding yourself in the "middle" has various meanings around this time and age, frankly, I'd rather be buying a Mercedes and getting botox.