Dream away

Competence is essential to me. Even a modicum of ability, especially in a supervisory role is welcome. But, when it's lacking I go all Billy Jack on their ass. Yes, I just said that. and I'm also picturing myself in the hat, dark jean jacket, and just starting the roundhouse kick to the head. Okay, I've got that out now, no I don't feel better, I don't really know what to do to actually relieve the stress of other people's mistakes. I'm used to people not doing their job well, it's common and just part of the scenery, but when it effects how others perceive my abilities; as in a decision is made, action taken and work and planning subverted without explanation then I get a bit cross. I can step away emotionally, and tell myself that in the past I've overlooked details, or missed something. But I'm not going to be harder on myself then I am on others anymore. I'm going to give everyone their due, especially when I've done my darnedest to pull something off only to find out it's been changed and that I have to clean up the mess.

Tales to tell

I have very little legitimacy for my eldest sons. They temper almost everything I say with, I'm guessing, a dose of misogyny and a dash of ageism. I've told them both, and Jake has been crushed by this, that paperwork stands between them and success. Of course I know there are other factors that will come in to play depending on the situation. However, after personal experiences and watching people around me sink into the deluge of applications, cover letters, aid forms, recommendations, duplicates of personal forms and various other examples of vellum to fill out, I've concluded that if you can manage it, you can do anything. Today, Gus looked at me with a glazed over expression, after I went off for a bit about having to fill out additional forms for him, and how asking him to do his part seemed to garner somewhat of an inconvenienced reaction. He was getting ready to go back to school after spring break, and based on a pattern that probably began with my parents, I started to get worked up about a small infraction, and that got the ball rolling. I circumvented the usual meltdown by disengaging from the argument, realizing, that I don't expect them to live by everything I say, just the things that matter.

We define our moral ground

I've been dealing with a lot of trust issues of late, and remarkably, they are not my own. At work, there's been a lot of, "may I have your name", "are you sure that went through?", "Will you still love me in the morning?" and a slew of other issues regarding people's insecurities about getting what they've asked for.
I don't know if it's always been going on and I've just now started to notice, or if it's a by-product of the current culture of; we will lie to you constantly to get you to buy, lease or want anything we can make or sell.
However, I work in a library. It's sort of a business, but not really. It's an in between place, where it may feel like we want something from you but all that is, is for you to be very very quiet.

Everyone on the count of three

It's strange when you grow older and realize the lifespan of things is limited including popularity and ubiquity. It all seems forever when you're of a certain age.
When I first heard the Golden Palominos, a revolving door super group from the 80's, I remember the power their music held. It was obvious to me at least, that this was something of greatness; the merging of talent and layered sonics.
Recently with Facebook, I've become friends with the mastermind of the band, Anton Fier,. We have mutual "real" friends as well, but I only met him years ago at a very crowded party with tons of equally talented musicians and artists.
I was in awe and starstruck, though working at a radio station and being part of an underground music scene that was intimate in nature provided lots of contact with all sorts of levels of famous and eventually infamous persons.
I guess what I'm getting at here, is that though certain things fade; fame, money and probably resources, there is still a pull, a need to produce and it is as strong and directed as ever, just maybe a little less shiny.

And the darkness sleeps

In the wake of a long winter and a lack of social interaction, Jack and I attended a studio open house last night in one of the more amazing factories that has been transformed into artists and craft studios.
It was not a big thing, two three of the sliding wooden doors were open for business, or with someone just doing some work or some such.
We were there briefly, came home and I went to bed. Once there,I thought about how lucky I was to have one, and to be going to sleep in my home that I complain about every day.
We are all a bunch of big babies, until we are not. Everyone at some point or another gets tested, and most of us do much better in those situations than we either think we do, or could even hope.

To lose my way

I think I got wrecked when I graduated from college. I didn't know what to do, I'd lost all of my anchors. My family had moved to California, I had no guidance and felt completely unmoored. I couldn't have put it that succinctly, but I was uncertain. What I wanted to do was to pursue my interest in film and music but I absolutely didn't know how to do that here.
And, when I think about it, we didn't have the tools and effortless ability to contact people, to look things up or to be part of a network like we can now. I'd like to think it would have been different if I had the resources to achieve something close to what I imagined, but I could also have easily gotten in my own way.
Watching both Jake and Gus navigate this precarious and vital time in their lives has brought it all back to the forefront.
I'm not lamenting my choices, Ive achieved a sense of purpose and place; I have love, kids, pets and friends, an outlet, a creative drive and all of that is being met. My concern really is how do I share the knowledge from here to there, from this place of experience to the other end of the spectrum, the one that can make or break us.

All 52 cards in a row

Muammar Gaddafi or Charlie Sheen, I don't know, depends on the day.
It's the nature of our world to be interested in the trivial as well as the life changing. That's a given. But, what isn't so obvious is what's going on beneath the surface, especially the billions of dollars for entertainment value and for oil that is either being stolen or paid to minimally talented hacks on awful television shows.
Individuals and public organizations are losing their rights, income, voice and or power. And, it's all so very few people can have the most of everything and put laws and policy in place to make
that all happen. It's boring, not especially glamorous and very serious. Hey, what's that over there?