This world

A few days ago, I mentioned to Gus that I was hoping to see a band I really loved in the 80’s, one I’d never had a chance to see live. They are playing here for a WCSB Halloween party on Saturday.
He asked me about the band and I told him a little, their name, their singer, some of their songs. And then we also talked about seeing Chris Isaak, later in November when he plays here.
Gus recently taught himself Wicked Game, a favorite of ours at the home front. He played it on the guitar for me over the phone.
Today, as I called him on a break at work, he mentioned that he was reading something about the song, went to a link about the guy playing guitar on the song, and found that he had been the bass player in the Avengers, the band that I may go see this weekend.

Here today

Jake, Jack Henry, and I went to see Looper last week. Which then caused me start to think about the movies and books that envision the future. Some do it well, well enough to make you feel uncomfortable because they present a foreseeable, reasonable scenario.
Then, the others that give everything a sleek and streamlined look, do nothing but make the viewer know it’s fantasy, because there is no way the world is going to look like that, it never has.
Years ago, it’s foggy, Eamon and I were either watching or reading something about R. Crumb, and he discussed illustrating the detritus of life, all of the wires. poles, garbage, signs, potholes, lights, all that make up the landscape of our lives.
That’s what Looper got so well, people using relics from the past, modifying them with newer technology and adapting. The transition is sloppy and not very pretty, but  evolution of any kind, is just that, it’s going to be messy and full of scratches and dents, that’s what makes it real.

In the distance

When you age, everything shrinks, not to be to specific or graphic, but we get shorter, our attention span more limited, frequent memory loss, and part of what falls into that spectrum is our ego.
Listening to a Neil Young song on the radio this morning, he sang something like;  I used to walk like a giant on the land and now I'm just a leaf in a river, floating. I suspect that’s not that far off from what I mean, and not at all a bad thing.
The other day in my post, it seems as though I was mostly lamenting my personal issues.  What I’m experiencing is beyond that. I think universally, always have. I feel such overwhelming sadness about the world we live in, the choices of greed and short sighted satisfaction over, what seems to me, to be the obvious direction or axiom.
Part of this is the election, the acting and directing , the spinning, It’s all show for the new Fall lineup I don’t want to watch .

Like a rock

I will reiterate that I try to be honest here, not to censor, layer or conceal. So with that, here comes the train.
I feel intensely sad, less happy, most bleak.
There’s a level of hopelessness I really can’t seem to rally past. My, serotonin or hormone uploads, or whatever pathways that I’ve reached the end of both internally and externally, need some bolstering.
I’m not really living the life I want to, and a big part of that is not having pictured it very well, until recently that is.
It’s not lavish, or complicated.  In fact, what I desire is a simplicity that is not out of reach, nor unrealistic, it’s just not mine.

Save a prayer

I called Jacob yesterday, to see if he wanted to take his new dog for a walk with me and my old one. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was reading my blog. My first inclination was to cringe, and then from there, I was curious.
He asked me if I read old posts, and I responded that I do from time to time, and periodically one year ago from the date, just to kind of see where I was.
It’s nothing extraordinary, keeping a record, it’s the most common thing a person can do. However, what does make it a little richer of an experience, is to have the person who was the basis for this entire thing, to casually mention reading it.

Stand on your own

Having taken bullying, internalized it, and subsequently been so terribly ashamed for a good portion of my formative years, have made two events recently in the news , both painful and wonderful to watch unfold.
The particular circumstances themselves are nothing new, attacks on people, for their appearance, weight, age, orientation, religion, geography, accent, it’s all fodder for the cruel and bored.
The response, though, the sheer volume of people supportive of talking back, not taking it anymore , with a clear and resounding fuck off, is so intense in it’s simplicity, that can only be seen as evidence for the supply side of social media; this is where it shines, demonstrates value and takes on a powerful double edge. Without the constant chatter, and ability to communicate anything to some sort of audience, whether it be divisive horrible stuff or powerful images of institutionally sponsored mistreatment, revealing the behavior, giving it a name, and  opening it up to be scrutinized and dismantled, takes away the efficacy and renders it mostly feeble.