The time on the clock

I think that if I let my mind idle, that something will go horribly wrong.
It is, in a sense delving into the interior part of my brain that tries to protect the rest of me from some unknown danger, and not representative of what I really want to spend my time thinking about or doing,
So what I do when I'm bored is, to play destructive games with myself, or look for information about things or people I have no business being interested in, or even worse, shopping.
None of the behaviors on the list are productive, positive, rewarding, (in an appropriate way), or going to get me where I want to be, yet I, like many people spend time doing it anyway.
I don't dedicate that much time that I feel like I am compulsively afflicted, but there is enough as to where I find myself mired in the muck.
It's good to realize, to actualize and find distractions to break the habit.
Facebook, feeds into the most basic of our insecurities, and makes it available, at our fingertips and on the nightstand when we should be sleeping, or looking into the darkness that is real, rather then the one we create.

Twisting round

Eamon told me about a video of a reporter, that apparently either suffered a mini stroke or had a bad migraine while she was reporting an event.
I went to watch it and it’s actually quite stunning for various reasons. The most interesting, to me at least, is that her cadence, intonation, pronunciation and presentation, are all  impeccable, except she is not using words.
If someone had the television on in the background , they would probably not have even noticed what was going on.
I find it a fascinating example of brain goings on, front and center. For her, I’m sure it’s an entirely different experience, but formidable nonetheless.

The only thing that's real

I didn’t give up yet, but I’ve been out of the world for the last week.
Some of the things I came to know during that time.
1) People are capable of anything when they are pain free.
2) Pain does hurt.
3) Daytime TV remains the place between life and hell.
4) The Massacre of Nanking, is an overlooked and under reported series of events, that though well documented, seem to be out of our frame of reference, especially regarding violence against women and children.
5) One’s mouth takes a really long time to heal.

And wherever we go

Once you get to the place of “what’s the point”. You have to try to figure out what got you there and why indeed, there very much is a point.
Last week, I became convinced that this blog is going nowhere and doing nothing.
I’ve recently visited some pages and read about other’s lives, and frankly, we are not that interesting. Searching for events that merit a paragraph, or full on long story aren’t frequent enough and I at least, end up building on somewhat weak foundations.
Not always, there are incredible tales, descriptions of funny experiences, and poignant lessons.
But, why write online, why present it as shared information? And the honest answer, again for me, that is, has changed. Now, it’s very different from what I started out doing, my intentions, or goals.
Initially, I absolutely had to find an outlet, one that I hoped would illicit some commonality in responses and shared experience. What I have found is that there are endless ways to say the same thing, search for an answer or pose a question. What is most pressing is how and why, and for that, I remain completely at a loss.