None of what you hear

Throughout my life, starting as far back as I can remember I've theorized. Not just thought about things, but come up with theories as to the origins of behavior, the deeper meaning behind events and experiences. All to what end? I think I've come up with an answer. It's in order to separate myself from living the actuality of the event, feeling or episode.
Whether that has served me or not, I'll really never know, but the outcome is irrelevant because even when I share them with my like minded husband or friends, or in this venue, the relevance is lost in a matter of moments as we move on to the next.
I'm not saying it's all meaningless, the salience has helped me to sustain a logical and rational approach to living that remains the strongest and most relevant part of my foundation. What does confuse me, is why I examine and challenge the choice of living on the surface, with the assumption that it is actually a matter of free will.