Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Who's to say what's impossible

I always think that I communicate well, except when I'm not and those times are glaringly obvious. The little me inside my head is yelling at the big me who's talking nonsense, saying; "stop, bring it on home, you've gone to far." But, I still ramble on knowing it's a lost cause.

Jake has been on my mind, and part of that means that I need to figure out my place and what I'm responsible for in these last interactions that have brought us to this place of an unsettling calm. Sure, I can own up to what I did that wasn't the most mature, or well thought out. But I will justify my actions, words and thoughts with a clear understanding that I am doing my best here. I don't have the best tools regarding parenthood. I do however have a very low threshold for shitty, mean and manipulative; so that gives me at least some checks in the right column.


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