That you require to feel

I was shopping today, and had a moment of odd awe. I am a size 8. I am half the person I was in August, but really double the person in terms of so many other things; such as how so many people look at me, and see something different but I don't.
I have a very logical sensibility, I'm rational and emotional, but things play out in an analytical and systematic way for me, except, for the weight thing. The essence of who we are and how we make ourselves slog through the world has a framework and template that we have very little say regarding. So, I know that my brain is full of shit when it, in that voice of the evil woman I named it after, says that I am still the person I always was, and will always, be. I know life is not about size, but I just don't see how it happened, or how to accept that I'm never going to embrace reality in this one venue.