rings around the town

I had forgotten how kids can make you feel completely out of control and embarrassed. The balance of bringing children into a public setting can be as precarious as nitro. When the boys were wee, and we'd go somewhere on a we've been shut in too long winter day, I'd sit to nurse Jack. Jake and Gus were close to three and five, they would take off in different directions. My first inclination after the heat hit my face, was that I wondered if rage could pass through breast milk. Then I would cover up, Jack squawking and hunt them down, seethe between my teeth and start again.
I wonder now, why I ever left the fucking house. There was a mall and it was small and manageable, not a malling mall. We could go there; Happy meal it for the boys and Asian for me. It was a veritable haven for an industrial wasteland winter mom. They recently tore it down.