To state my case

I need something for the pain; I really do. It could be a cigarette, a drink, food, drugs anything, but I have got to have something. So what is the pain, and from where does it come? Actually it's always there, I (we all) just have an enormous amount of control, I keep myself very busy with ridiculous tasks, blogs, I even had children to keep me rolling, and then even with all of that going for me, because isn't it dynamic to say, part of the reason I had children may be that it keeps me distracted. Anyway, it's either an age thing, or comes from a molecular level, but I cannot seem to pull it off these days. Maybe, that's a good thing, perhaps this is the time that I really need to be paying attention and not use all of my resources to avoid the source.
Ultimately, I have to move forward, there is no choice, but to trudge on through; though I feel a lapse in how hard I used to struggle to keep it all in check and how now it doesn't seem to matter much at all.