It's all so clear

Jake and I are in negotiations for his prodigal return.
When I was young and wanted things badly, I would do almost anything to get them. I could be manipulative, would lie, yell, charm and sell out any form of honor to achieve my goal.
The worst part of this behavior, is that it wasn't for anything important, like working towards a career or getting into a school, those things didn't mean as much to me as being where I wanted to be, at that moment, and being with the person or people that I was desirous of being around.
So, earnestly and with great remorse, I know exactly where Jake is coming from. On some level I can forgive myself, because some part of that behavior was teenage like, a bit normal perhaps, but coming down through my mom, myself and him, is one ugly mess of confusion, fear, anxiety and subsequently guilt. All for what? A momentary victory over nothing more than myself squared.