We're gonna find something

I thought for a long time that I was satisfied being a friend to someone that I actually was in love with. Also, the illusion that it was an undetected crush, is a little naive, but I was in junior high and then high school, so I'll forgive that transgression and just dwell on what a waste of time it was and how much effort I would put into driving these guys around, being charming and funny, holding in my stomach and choking on the fact that they had crushes on other girls and were oblivious at least on a conscious level that I was devoted. I do think that there is an element of power to some degree, in that they must know that they can do with you what they will because either you love them or have a learning disability. I was the quintessential heavy girl who was satisfied with the friendship of guys, and could relate to them well, but that was where it ended for them, they just took advantage of the opportunity. There had been fellows who actually showed interest in me, and unfortunately, I must have thought that was going to be just to darn easy to pursue.