Saturday, March 14, 2009

We're not the fortunate ones

It's been a long week of no sleep and lots of activity. Last night going out with friends for dinner, I was struck, as I am so often at the volume of people, and how the level of forced gaiety was exactly that.
I don't know how to just have fun, granted; but who is the show for and what channel are they really watching.
Earlier in the day I went to the Westside Market so it was a Friday full of social events which when you are not feeling it so much, doesn't exactly make for an easy time. And again, I ask why is that; what's with the sub level of worry and distraction over the things not getting done, or the car getting a ticket. The underlying anxiety that I know I am not the exclusive feeler of, is really tiresome.
As I was getting up for work this morning at around six, I notice that the light was on in Jake's room so I knocked and he was awake and kind of staring off into space. I asked him if he had just gotten in, and he said no, that he had been up all night. I looked at his face and thought about all of the generations before us, whose fear we carry in our genetic structure and how we struggle to find out why we feel the way we do, when in fact, it all happened long before we got here.


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