What for now

I was and am at the precipice and that's where I have to be before my Mom will finally leave me alone, stop talking and step far enough away, but not too far to give me a little push. Then we can have fun; that's when she knows I'm at the most raw and well used place I could possibly be.
When my brother in-law Jim was at his Mom's house, after not seeing her for a year, his brother-in law came in yelling at him about how his dog was not being controlled and Jim didn't know how to keep his dog with him and some other gnarly grouping of worlds that were mean. This was the day before his sister was going to get married, so spirits were high and people were happy to be there and see each other after long absences.
One week prior, as my side of the family gathered, my neighbor went off on me, as I've mentioned. My thinking is that something must trigger these negative incidents that shade and color what should be an all good experience but gets tainted by someone or something. As I teased Jim about the incident, I saw in his eyes, the emotions and just plain feelings of sadness and fear that I had gone through, and then I realized in that moment the vulnerability we all experience when we are at our most happy and where we should be the most safe, but never are.