Friday, June 20, 2008

Easy to trace

What haunts us underneath, the secret we never share, or actually admit we are sharing during a candid or light conversation. It appears always as a possibility, a what if, or I know someone.
I can't be wrong on this, the subject of hiding things has surfaced again and again in autobiographies, articles, interviews with public personas, so statistically it must be true for almost anyone who has the time or money to have problems. And, I say that with no tongue in cheek. How neurotic can you be if you have to really struggle to eat or are a refugee; those issues become mental illness and nothing less.
what manifests itself as a behavior or tic, is almost impossible to counteract without diligence and an enormous amount of energy and planning.
I've been thinner for two years. That is a feat. Not only with my history but because it's just not common to be able to maintain weight loss. Now I fear a jinx, I've written it down, admitted it out loud that I have overcome a lifetime of physical issues dealing with being overweight, and I will freely admit, that the other part, the emotional component, that, I will never be free of, it's just as much a part of me as my wordy nature, or need to be funny in the face of tragedy. Sad, but something I need to come to terms with regardless of the scrutiny and doubt, either internal or from the rest of the world.


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