The risk of loving you

I forgot that cruel things said by loved ones can feel like a blow. Now, it's good that I forgot that because it means it doesn't' happen very much, but the effect that it has as in crying before I even realize , or feeling like I've been punched, is not so good. I can be all analytical and intellectualize most things, but when it comes to remembering how bad my childhood felt and how much of my life has been trying to fix some of that while living a fulfilling existence, I really didn't need the reminder that there is still actual physical experience that transpires when things are said or action is not taken. So, I'm taking some; I'm bought back to the same place always when people whom I love are venomous. I want to get away and never come back and say fuck off forever, and then, knowing that the housing market sucks, I just don't talk to them for a week.