What is left

I’m having a hard time.  And knowing, that this information is nothing new, is the hardest part of that.
I’ve been me all my life, too introspective, a meta-liver, all along.
After fifty one years of it, I’m exhausted.  Add hormonal changes and a giant dog, and you’ve got a bit of a mess.
Yet, my expectations are still high, I look forward to things, even work which at best ,is  an operose journey right now.
When I didn't get the job I interviewed for, many people around me expressed their disappointment and wonder, and some shared that it was for a reason, or there is something better waiting for me.  I love that some can think that way, or rationalize or actually don’t rationalize, the experience, but I do.
Maybe I have to make that thing that’s better happen.  One thing I am not good at, and or don’t have a handle on, is exactly that , taking steps to change in a way that can actually be measured, and not in the theoretical, which is where I live.