Just below the boiling point

I'm an underachiever. There I said it. I'm smart and capable but I don't seem to have that extra something to propel me into the land of the advanced degree.
So, as I was waiting to see the Doctor today who confirmed that my knee is messed up and will need some repairs, she subsequently prescribed me a non-narcotic painkiller so I can't even get wasted and feel okay about it; I thought about what I had accomplished and what I had managed to succeed at in my approach to living.
There is a nice list, I can acknowledge that I've done some worthwhile things. The one that came to mind while I was looking at the dropped ceiling was that I had two kids at home and didn't have any sense of what that experience was going to be like or what the outcome would be beyond having a baby.
It's a leap of faith; in that I didn't know anyone who had forged ahead into the realm of home birth yet tried it anyway.
Conversely, I had babies.