That's quite a different subject

Relationships, now there's a light and airy subject. I jest of course, discussing the foundation and time consuming core of our lives is nothing to joke about. But when you find that none or few of them are working properly, and you feel bounced around and sort of lost, the only vantage for me at least, is humor or calgon, and because I have none of the latter, the ha ha stuff prevails.
But, not really, it's the traditional laugh until it hurts syndrome. It does sting and I'm finding nothing to invest in or value.
If I had a plan when I was a young mother, it was to be the best at what I was doing because in my life there had been a lack thereof. What I didn't know is that if I gave them everything, they would equate stuff with love and when I held back on the gear, they would take it quite personally.
Well, I'm holding back now and am in vanquish mode when it comes to sacrificing any more of my self to make them whole. The same truth holds regarding my old man. He has his thing going on, the one where he becomes a stranger in a familiar land. And I, no longer have directions.