I feel the weight of it all

Is being a child chaos for everyone?  It was for me.  I attribute that to my parents lack of interest in child rearing by the time I came around .
It tried hard not to replicate that in my parenting.  To have some sense of order, routine, consistency, food always available, and a requisite bowl of cereal before bed.  We made sure that the boys were always warm, comfortable, and of course stylish.  I bought more socks then they would ever need, just to guarantee there would always s be a pair.
And, for all of that, it was still crazy, because we are products of our childhood.  No way around some of the hardship of neurosis, anxiety and ocd.  You can only quash some of the things some of the time.   I’ll hopefully have grandchildren so I can work on the rest of it.