Right on me

I've lost about forty pounds and now the fun begins. I had vowed years ago not to diet or maintain any kind of vigilance other than eating a balanced and mostly organic menu. Yet, when I got sick in August and had to hoist myself off of a gurney in order to have a MRI, I knew that even though I was strong, if I weighed the same in twenty years, I wouldn't be able to. So, I stopped eating most anything that wasn't full of fiber or protein and have shed much of myself. I think for the first time the motivation was health rather then appearance and that made a huge impact on me. But, as for the aforementioned fun, I refer to the tingling of past and present fears about not being able to maintain this lifestyle, loosing control and feeling bad again. It's kind of like if you are the other woman you have certain power and if you are the wife you do as well, and then there is the helplessness that comes along with each role, it's nothing less than confounding that the fear of loss or the fear of gain is always present. I've seen it dozens of time, the letting go of control and allowing the immediacy of gratification sooth the restless nature of comfort and acceptance. It's a pox I say.