The ledge of life

I have always cared far too much about how I look. Spent so much time worrying, fretting, wondering if it was okay. What a terrible waste, yet I know this aspect of my personality is really much more of a part of me then i am willing to easily let go . As a reasonably sane adult I tell myself, no one would ever pay as close attention as me, to the flaws, shiny nose, the specifics. I never or rarely notice things that are that particular when I'm close to people, talking to them or just being near, it's a big visual not a zoom. Yet I don't afford the same consideration to others, to just take it for granted that they are listening not looking. And then, I also tend to have a friend or two that feed into the need for the hypercritical quagmire. Why the harshness, is it genetic, or learned, environmental, or just some stupid ass bullshit that many women have accepted as part of the nature of being.