Sunday, September 28, 2008

Shouting through the fog

Betrayal, now there's a subject to consider for today. What to address, mostly the trouble it can cause and from where it comes.
With Jake, it dawned on me this morning, that exactly what he feels is very little trust in Eamon and I and consequently, himself. That is staggering, it shades everything, and unfortunately, there is no way I can protest enough to make him believe me, without it seeming as if it is actually the opposite.
And, on that sour note, maybe there is truth in his perspective in that I have let him down, I have forfeited his feelings for my own preservation and for what I considered the greater good. Had it been possible for me to forgo a certain selfish desire to have less chaos or challenge, then I think it would have gone a lot better from the start, but as the years went by, and as he grew and I shrank, it just got worse.
Regardless of any excuse or reason, the feeling is what it is; and there is no getting past that until we can do just that.


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